Let's Go Out To The Movies: "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" (PG - ColumbiaPictures - 1 hr, 34 mins)

Directed by Andy Fickman
Written by Kevin James and Nick Bakay

Alo Party Peoples.

I had no intentions of seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 this weekend. I already had a perfectly good post about Ex Machina up, and I thought to myself "No, just no. This is below my dignity as a filmgoer and as a film critic, I refuse to pay money in order to subject myself to Paul Blart 2." I was not alone in this, Sony didn't hold press screenings for it - which almost never happens unless they have something truly terrible on their hands - and critics that did decide to see it have universally panned it.

I decided to take my girlfriend out to a different movie instead, so I gave her a call, and it turned out she didn't want to see Unfriended (why is that coming out now and not in October?) so we were talking about alternatives, and I brought up that she probably didn't want to see Paul Blart 2. But then she said to me "It can't possibly be that bad, let's give it a shot!", and I said "Really?" and she said "Yes, really." so we did just that. Two minutes in, they tried to make a joke out of an old woman being run over by a truck, and I knew this was a mistake.

Surprising absolutely no one, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a terrible movie, a seriously, seriously terrible movie.  Joke after joke lands with a resounding thud, every character has no discernible personality - even by the very generous standards of modern family films - there is no sense of place with its setting in Las Vegas, and the whole thing is just alternately depressing or dull, depending on whether or not you care in the first place.

Kevin James as Paul Blart

It's not like the first Paul Blart was a masterpiece or something - not by any stretch of the imagination - but it wasn't bad, or it was at least tolerable. The sequel on the other hand, is horrible, mostly by virtue of the age old problem of bad comedy sequels. It has no new perspective to give on the concept and mostly feels like reheated leftovers of the first installment. To wit, after saving the mall in the first one, Paul Blart has hit a rough patch in his life. His wife of just six days filed for divorce, his mother was run over by a milk truck, and his daughter is growing up too fast since she's been accepted to ACLU.

At the same time, Paul gets an invitation to a security officer's trade show in Las Vegas, or more specifically at the Wynn Hotel and Casino TM, and decides this is just the opportunity he needs to bond with his daughter, and he stumbles upon an attempt by organized thieves to steal the hotel's art collection. If that sounds familiar, that's because it is. Paul Blart 2 is just Paul Blart again, but in a different setting, sort of. You see, this is a film from Happy Madison, which is Adam Sandler's production company. Also known as Adam Sandler's excuse to take a bunch of his fellow comedians out on vacation with Sony and the moviegoers of Middle America footing the bill.

Jack and Jill was an excuse to go on a cruise, Blended was an excuse to go out on a safari, and Paul Blart 2 is an excuse for Sandler, James and company to hit the Vegas Strip, but we never get to see the strip for ourselves since leaving the Wynn TM would mean doing actual work. Once the characters get to the hotel, we never leave it. It's almost like a feature-length commercial for the Wynn TM, which I'm sure was a significant source of funding to make up for the surprising lack of Sony's signature product placement.

The bottom line is, Paul Blart simply isn't funny, at all. It's a comedic black hole that sucks any humor or charisma out of Furious 7 playing one theater over. Every joke falls flat. Every. Single. Last. Joke. They're mostly composed of Paul Blart running into heavy objects, Paul Blart being a prick for no reason, or sad attempts at banter. The first one may not have been comedy gold, but it was at least in good spirits, this one isn't even trying, and Blart himself has gone from a likable shlub to an insensitive obstinate prick. As a result the film's emotional core, his growing ever more distant from his daughter, just doesn't work because we want her to get away from this jerk.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a failure. A lazy, uninspired sequel to an original that couldn't sustain a sequel. At least in my mind, this does more damage to Sony Pictures' reputation than North Korea or Wikileaks could ever manage to inflict. An instant contender for the Worst of the Year title, and it's April.

Have a nice day.

Greg.B